Sid was sitting on the bed leaning forward to see around the corner.
“Hi Ka…” he tried.
I was on top of him before he got my name out. I jumped into his lap, straddling him, and pressed his shoulders back with both hands. My body went to the bed with his. It took two seconds for him to realize what was happening and wrap his arms around me. By then, my tongue was already in his mouth.
“Kay, what…” he said as I was leaning back to pull off his shirt. He did not try to push me away. He just grabbed my upper arms, locking them to my sides and freezing my motion. His shirt was halfway up, all bare abs beneath me.
I snapped my eyes up to meet his. I was panting and trembling. “Sidney, tell me one thing. Be completely honest. Are you in love with me?”
He got a deer-in-the-headlights look. “I…” he stuttered.
“Sidney please,” I was on the verge on losing it. “Please.” What am I doing? How can I do this to Max and Kris? What if Sid says he loves me? What the hell am I going to do then, straddling his body?
He took a deep breath. “I thought I was. But after the airport… I don’t know if I’m ready. It would be so easy if it were you, I want to be. But I don’t think so.”
“So right now, you’re not in love with me? This very second, in this room?”
He shook his head no.
“Take off your pants,” I said, jumping off him and working on my shirt. He didn’t move. He seemed frozen, like he’d just told me something that should devastate me, and I’m asking him to strip.
“Wait. I’m not in love with you, so you want to have sex with me?” he said, slowly coming to the party. “What about Max and Kris? Is this right?”
I was out of my shirt and opening my jeans. “Sid, I am so fucking horny I could actually die. I cannot do this with Max or Kris… God knows I want to… ugh!” I threw myself down on the bed, topless, landing on my back at his feet. “What am I doing? I have taken fifty cold showers and I’ve…” I stopped, pressing my hands to my face. “I am freaking out. I’m afraid of losing it with one of them and I can’t risk that. If you don’t take your pants off right now I’ll knock on every door until someone will. I think Geno’s here.”
I rolled my head and looked at him. “Please, Sidney. Do what you did last time… it was amazing. No strings, like you said we are no-pressure, I want to…”
“Kahlan,” Sidney said. “Holy hell. Do you know how hard it was for me, alone with you in my house, not to climb into your bed at night? Not to throw you over the side of the couch? I don’t think I slept for four days. Why didn’t you come to me sooner? I could have been taking care of you this whole time!” He smiled. “But seriously, can you do this and be okay with them? I don’t want to let you make a mistake. But I am so hard for you I am already hallucinating the taste of you in my mouth.”
I made an exasperated face. “Sidney I don’t know. I can’t think straight. Could we keep this a secret? Just us, and Cookie I guess? You said do-overs don’t count. I definitely want to do you over….”
I didn’t get the rest out. He was over me, pulling hands away from my waistband. “Let me get that,” he said, sliding down my body and taking the zipper between his teeth. He had my pants off in seconds. I sat up, unzipped his fly and pulled his jeans over his hips. I ran one hand over the front, feeling his length beneath his boxer briefs. He put his hands into my hair.
“Fuck you are so hot,” I whispered appreciatively. I whipped off his shorts and caressed his thick thighs and hips. I took him in my hand, gave him a look and wrapped my mouth around his dick.
He moaned and pressed my head into his lap. One of my hands ringed the base of his penis, and I moved my head to take in as much of him as I could. The last time everything between us had been so fast, I didn’t remember quite the size of him. I’d have complimented him, but my mouth was very full.
After thirty seconds, he pressed my shoulders back. “There will be no fun for you if you don’t stop that right now,” he looked down at me, his eyes heavy with lust. He tore open a condom and slid me back onto the bed. His hands roamed over my panties, and then he pulled them slowly down my thighs. He followed the fabric with his mouth. Kisses trailed down my thigh, over my knee and the inside of my calf. He was rock hard as I reached for him. Settling his body over me, pressed mostly to the left, he slid his hand down over the rise of my stomach and into the cleft between my legs. I gasped.
“Kahlan, you’re so wet,” he breathed into my ear. He was dipping his fingers into me, around my opening. He flicked one fingertip across my clit and my back arched. I was already close. “It makes me want to be dirty with you. Knowing you want me as badly as I want you.”
I nodded, holding onto his shoulders. “I want you to be dirty. I want you so bad I ache. Please, please I need you inside me.”
With a single swing of his hips, Sidney was in me up to the hilt. A little scream squeezed out, and Sid covered my mouth with his hand. Eyes flashing a warning, he adjusted his weight and stroked his full length into me again. I bit against the side of his palm. Again, he stroked.
I pulled him down against me and kissed him as hard as he was driving into my body. His massive shoulders all but blocked the room from my view. Huge forearms were wrapped around my back, pressing my body against his ripped pecs and abs. I ran my hands down his back and dug my fingers into his magnificent ass.
“Kahlan,” he breathed. “Kahlan, Kahlan.”
I had been fighting my orgasm since the moment I tasted his cock. When I felt him getting close, I pulled away. He froze, surprised. I moved against him and stood him up. Then I turned and pressed my back against his body. As his hands roamed over me, I put one knee up on the bed and bent over in front of him.
He exhaled. “Fuck, babe. I want to come so hard inside of you.” I looked back at him, over my shoulder. His hands were on my hips as he positioned himself behind me.
“Sidney,” I said, meeting his eye. “Make me scream.”
He held me still and pressed slowly inside me. He took his time. I felt every centimeter of his thick penis filling my core. He slid his hands up my back, under my breasts as he drew closer. When his thighs were pressed to my ass, he began to move rhythmically against my body. I squeezed against the pressure, holding him as tightly as I could. He murmured encouragement and wrapped a hand in my hair. Driving faster, one hand snaked around my belly and his fingers found my clit. He twitched and pulled, making my body writhe against him. Within minutes, he was pounding into me as hard as he could. I pressed into to bed with my hands, holding myself against him, rocking into his lap and driving his cock ever deeper into me.
Pulling my hair lightly, he leaned over my back. “Not done yet,” he said.
He pushed my ass down with his hips, still inside me. I dropped flat onto the mattress and reached for a pillow. Sid lifted up, curious. I pushed the pillow under my stomach, lifting my ass into the air while my legs stayed out under his.
“Very nice,” he ran a hand over my ass. “I kinda want to spank you. Is that allowed?”
I giggled, and he did it without waiting for permission. His open hand smacked gently against my ass, then he rubbed his palm over the spot. The next one was a little harder. Then he was rocking his hips back into me, bouncing me against the mattress. I was no match for his size and weight – my body did whatever he wanted it to. And he wanted it to give up to him. Sidney wrapped his hands under my shoulders, pulling me down onto him.
“Kay, I’m gonna cum,” he whispered. “I want you to cum with me.”
I nodded, so close I was desperate for him to ask. He increased his pace slightly, moving in and out of me like a piston. His thighs were tight with exertion. My body was trembling, he could feel it through his hand flat on my back. He traced a single finger around the outside of my back door, sending a flurry of muscle contractions up through my body.
I bit down on the pillow as my entire body bucked beneath Sid’s. I screamed his name into the feathers. The force of his thrusts sent wave after wave of orgasm pounding through my system. It was like a rush of adrenaline, a blow to the head, the moment a fire becomes an inferno. I squirmed back against him, begging for more. He pulled once on my hair, hard, and held my head back as he spent himself inside of me. His other hand dug into the flesh of my ass, holding me close.
“Kahlan,” he grunted as I rolled my muscles down his length, wringing him dry.
I was still shaking five minutes later when Sidney moved his hips down and pulled out of me. We were both soaked – with sweat and other stuff. He pushed a damp piece of hair from my cheek.
“Wow,” he said.
“Double wow,” I agreed. “You are… you are a god.”
His arm went over my back, holding me. Those luscious, pillowy lips pressed against mine. The kiss was almost innocent, considering what had just taken place.
“This can be our little secret anytime you want,” he said, his mouth on mine.
“How can you not hate me?” I asked. I meant it. Now that my frustration and rage and nerves were spent, I was quickly slipping into the blackness.
Sidney’s hand traced figures on my bare back. “Kahlan, you’re just confused. I don’t envy the choice you face. As for me… well, maybe sex is just sex. We care about each other, and this is just part of it. We’re taking care of each other. Our crazy, mixed-up friendship with benefits.” He smiled. “It takes two, Kay. You’re not using me anymore than I’m using you. Just don’t call either of them by my name when you finally do get some.”
I smiled. I hoped his explanation made sense, because it would make me feel a little better. Not about Kris and Max, not about having been unfaithful to them in this twisted way. But about using Sidney to help myself.
“As long as you don’t fall in love with me,” I said.
Sidney shook his head, joking. “Impossible not to, sex kitten. You let me spank you! I’ve gotta do that again.” He pressed his lips to my ear. “You’re so fucking delicious.”
I hardly slept again that night. The questions turned over and over – my mind was a broken record. Cara didn’t wake while I tossed and turned.
I left the hotel early the next morning. I pulled on my sneakers, borrowed a wool hat from Jordan and went for a run downtown in the sparkling cold. I purposely stayed out until everyone left for the morning skate, then went back and had lunch by myself. By the time everyone rolled back to the hotel, I was feeling a little more mentally stable.
At 2:30 PM, Max knocked on my door in sweats and a t-shirt. “Wanna take a nap with me?”
“Oh yeah, that would go over well with Disco.”
“I’m just talking about sleeping, babe. No funny stuff.” He was holding the door open.
I tilted my head at him. “Are you saying that TK snores and you want to sleep in here? You weasel.”
Max smiled, caught out, and jumped onto my bed. He burrowed under the blanket. I changed into my pajama pants and a tank top with a built-in bra. Not too racy. I pulled the curtains shut and climbed in next to Max. I felt more even, less reactionary after being with Sidney. My head was clear though my heart was not. Max curled around my back, spooning me.
“Kay, have I ever asked you for anything?” he said softly. I shook my head no. “Can I ask for something now?”
I resisted the urge to face him. “Depends on what it is.”
He took a deep breath. “Stop sleeping with Sidney. Please.”
Oh shit. My brain collapsed in on itself. How could he know about last night? Cookie? Fuck. I knew I was guilty of a million horrible things – being a slut, being selfish, ignoring the obvious pain of the people I was supposed to care about most.
“Shhhh, cherie. Don’t say anything. I don’t want to know what did or did not happen at his house or on this trip. Maybe nothing. But I think something.” He tugged my shoulder, urging me to roll over. I brought my face inches from him is the mostly-dark room.
“I know what it’s like, Kay. When you know you shouldn’t do something, it feels even more exciting. I have done that. I cannot judge anyone. Fall in love with Sid if you want. But unless that happens… I am asking. Please don’t. This is hard enough with knowing that I am driving you into someone else’s arms.”
I pinched my eyes closed. Heat was rising in my face, I would have tears in seconds. And that would be an admission – if not of guilt, at least of embarrassment. Max shifted to get comfortable and put his arms around me.
“This makes up for you sleeping next to Kris at the Christmas Party.” He was out quickly. Soon his even breathing soothed me to sleep as well.
Wearing Flower’s baseball cap, I stayed incognito by hanging around the owner’s boxes at the Air Canada Centre. It had only been a few days since Christmas, since the kiss and the newspapers and people were still hot on the story. Based on what had happened with Sidney the night before, and Max’s request, I was still a little hot on it myself.
The Pens lost 3-1, though the play was more even than the score suggested. Cara and I went back to the hotel after the buzzer and got ready for bed. The guys could be in a real funk after a loss, and I didn’t want to make it worse. Ideally they’d wake up over the loss, we’d head to Ottawa and be ready to rock out for New Year’s Eve.
Cara went to say goodnight to Jordan, and passed Kris in the hall. He took the opportunity to get her key and let himself into my room. I was sitting in bed reading.
“How’s Jordy feeling?” I asked.
“He’s still ugly,” Kris said, surprising me. He sighed and sat down next to me, leaning against the headboard. “Crap game. Very frustrating. How was the box?”
I nodded. “Secret squirrel. No one saw me.” I put my book aside and nodded at the one he was carrying. “Will you read me something?”
He looked quizzically at me. “Read you something in French?” He flipped around in the book, smiling. “Want me to find a sex scene?”
“Can’t handle it! Your French is sexy enough,” I said. “At least Taylor thinks so.”
“Mon dieu. Did I read to her?”
I laughed. “She, and I quote, ‘almost died’ when you read to her in French. That’s why she thinks you’re a hunk.” I made air quotes to tease him. He looked bashful.
Kris picked a descriptive portion of the story – setting the scene in the main character’s Parisian neighborhood. Taylor was right. His French was lyrical, sultry, disarming. I gave up trying to translate and just listened to his cadence. It was nice to sit with him, non-threatening, just being. Two paragraphs later, he stopped.
“Can you understand me?”
I shook my head. “Doesn’t matter. I just like the way it sounds.”
He read an entire chapter. His head was lowered over the book and his hair blocked his eyes from my view. Kris loved to read, and I could tell he read well and quickly though I couldn’t follow. I scooted down into the bed, head on the pillow. He closed the book at the end of the page.
“Can I stay?” he asked. Cara hadn’t come back yet.
I pushed a pillow toward him. “Of course. Max took a nap in here today,” I said. “Just sleeping. Apparently TK snores.”
Kris lay back next to me. “Max is clever. I saw he brought his family here to meet you. I thought he might. Guess that makes our date not so special.”
I put my hand on Kris’ arm, in the space between us. “You’re wrong. Going to your house, standing in your room, looking at your baby pictures: that is so special to me.”
“New Year’s Eve tomorrow,” he said as we settled into the bed, both of us on top of the covers. “Can I see your dress?”
“No, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” I shook my head. “But I really like it.” I was enamored with the dress. I didn’t know where we were going, it was some surprise the guys had booked when Cara and I were invited on the trip.
Kris rolled onto his side, facing me. “I hope to be the one you kiss at midnight.”
3 years ago